Phil makes a big discovery. And lives to regret it.
It’s not everyday that your male co-worker sees your underpants and touches your husband’s. Unless you’re pregnant. And you’re me. In which case it happens to you weekly.
Take, for example, this incident that went down last week between me, Phil, and Sharon during one of Bill’s weather hits…
Me: (repeatedly pulling the waistband of my pants away from my belly and letting it snap back) Look guys… even my maternity pants are tight now.
Phil: (awkwardly looking away at his shoes)
Me: (Oblivious. Continuing to pull-n-snap away…)
Sharon: Page, we can see your tank-top tucked into your underpants everytime you do that.
Me: (Cheeks on fire… nearly collapsing into a fit of school-girl giggles just as Bill wraps and tosses to me)
Fabulous. Not embarassing at all. And who tucks their tank-tops into their underpants anyway?! I do. But how else are you supposed to keep them from creeping up over your preggo belly?! And while we’re at it, how funny is the word, “underpants?” So much better than the alternatives. But I digress…
And then there was this unfortunate (for him) interaction just yesterday…
Phil:So Page… what’s a “Braxton Hicks” contraction?
Me: It’s like a practice contraction. Everything tightens, but just without the pain of a real one. Ooooh, I’m having one now. Poke my stomach and feel how hard it is!
Phil: (totally doesn’t want to touch my belly, but does anyway because I am basically forcing his hand… then he feels a strange waistband… a look of astonishment spreads across his face… he starts to actually process what he’s feeling other than just my belly) Page, is that the waistband of your UNDERWEAR?! (Phil prefers the lamer word-choice. He’s not as funny as I am.) Why are they so high up?!
Me: Well they’re not my underpants… they’re Jake’s. Well really they’re his man spanx. They help with the upper thigh chub-rub.
Phil: (trying to resist asking for an explanation, but he just can’t…)
Yeah. So the (not so) secret is out. And you’re welcome for the tip. Because if you’re wearing dresses while preggo during the summer months then you will want to rock a pair of men’s size XL compression shorts under your dresses too.
Believe me, your thighs will thank you for it. And so will your co-workers.