There is a beer commercial airing right now where a guy, his girlfriend and her dog are at a bar. The girlfriend is grilling the guy with questions like, if you had to choose between me and my dog, who would you choose. The guy says the girl. Between me and your mom, she asks. You, he smarms. Between me and your beer…uh oh…he’s on the fence now. This is a true quandry. She skulks off and the commerical mercifully comes to an end.
An overall non-descript, run of the mill beer commercial…but for me, it’s real life. You see, this little game plays out in my head daily, and I have recently come to this depressing realization: if forced to choose between a certain orange-wigged DJ and me, his Dad…Ford would choose orange. No doubt. Dude wins in a walk.
Meet DJ Lance Rock. The man of the Fehling household.
For those of you who don’t know, DJLR is the host/contributor/clown on a Nick Jr. show called Yo Gabba Gabba! One of our friends with kids put us on to this show – you don’t just stumble upon something like this – but we can’t remember who. We have asked everyone, but to a person, they all deny having anything to do with it. It’s like asking a dude if they have seen/wept through the Notebook. They will all deny. But they have. Oh yes.
OK, fine, that’s just me. That movie detroyed me. Whatever. Ahem.
In a nutshell, DJ Lance has a magical boom box adorned with keys that look like they were ripped off an old Simon game. But oh, this ain’t your ordinary boom box…this beauty carries inside it five of the weirdest looking stuffed animals you have ever seen. DJ Orange PJs opens the Simon game and magically the characters come to life. In no particular order you’ve got:
1. An 8 ft., acne-covered, orange Gumby wannabe. Weird enough for you? Did I mention he’s a cyclops?
2. A yellow robot who at the same time manages to be the show’s village idiot and voice of reason. Ask any 11-month-old, if DJ Lance left him in the boom box at the beginning of the show, no one would blink. And that includes the other characters, who literally I think are unable of closing their eyes (or, eye). They all look like they were doing speed before being let out of their boom box abode.
3. A pink kind of half-girl, half-budding flower. Maybe, sort of looks the most human of the characters, but even that’s a stretch. I find her whiney and annoying.
4. A blue girl. I think. Looks like Sega’s first crack at Sonic the Hedgehog back in like 1987.
5. Last but not least, you’ve got the gangly, green, midget sasquatch. I love this dude. One minute he’s playing the drums, the next minute he’s just standing there just, well, throwing his 18 foot wingspan around. The other freaks dance circles around him, but I like him. He knows his limitations. My favorite is when he’s on camera one minute with his mouth in a smile, and then the next, he’s back on camera and they’ve turned his mouth upside down. I wish I had that versatility. “Jake, we’re having ribs for dinner! (smile up) But they’re leftovers and the sauce has congealed into a cream-colored paste…hopefully that’s OK!” (smile down).
Weird, right? Well, Ford loves them. I mean, seriously, crazy, doesn’t blink while watching, loves them. Page and I don’t know the rules on how much TV an infant should watch, but I am not afraid to admit that when times get tough and Ford gets a’meltin’, we park little man in front of the TV and turn on Gabba to a healthy volume. Mission accomplished. We have even passed this little nugget of wisdom onto our babysitters, including a buddy of mine who filled in for us in a pinch a while back. I texted him, asking if everything was OK. He wrote back – “on 5th gabba in a row…you do know this DJ is teaching your son it’s OK to lose, right?” Fine. As long as he’s not crying, they could teach him how to smoke and gamble.
As for me, I dig the show. A lot. Page too. Not in a Notebook kind of way, but in a, appreciate the catchy tunes while ignoring the weirdness way. And apparently we’re not alone. We’ve seen Jack Black, the Roots, Weezer and other mainstream artists on episodes. That makes the show both cool and OK, right? ?uestlove is a good role model…no?
So there you have it. No Voltron. No Thundercats. Just DJs on drugs wearing really tight pants who carry magical stuffed animals in their 1980s boardgame-powered boom boxes. Totally normal.
Yooooooooooooooooooooo Gabba Gabbaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!